One Year
I find the End of History Illusion fascinating. Imagine yourself a year in the future, and compare the differences you observe in your future self with your present self. Ideally, there will be some changes, but usually, there’s nothing drastic. Now think of yourself a year in the past, and compare the differences once more. This cognitive bias occurs when, for most people, the difference between their past and present self is much greater than the difference between their future and present self. My eighteen-year-old self seems a bit older, a bit wiser, and maybe a bit smarter. But my sixteen-year old self was very immature, awkward, and stupid. We have very different interests, and I’ve met so many people my sixteen-year-old self didn’t even know existed. (Who is that “James” guy? We share a name and a birth certificate but I don’t associate with him.)
Amazement
It’s amazing how much can change in a year though. It seems so long yet so short. Some years feel dense with memories while others seem more bland and empty. I wanted to reflect a bit on my seventeenth year on this densely packed planet.
Even though a year can pass by in what is seemingly a few blinks, it takes up a significant chunk of our short, mortal lives. In a year, I’ve done so many things, learned so much, and met so many people I couldn’t imagine meeting. HCSSiM, Science Bowl Nationals, going through the college application process, and writing blog posts weekly, along with many other things, have contributed significantly to my character and my life.
Another interesting thing I’ve noticed: I have always been plagued with problems, but they change in such a fascinating way. Much of my energy is consumed by small issues I barely remember—staying up until 3 AM working on APUSH busywork, worrying about what certain people I don’t care about thought about me, and having to deal with extreme diet restrictions after wisdom teeth removal—and now they seem so insignificant. While these minor concerns have been cleared up, some problems have persisted. I still procrastinate, my sleep schedule is still atrocious, and my relationship with my family could be better. Maybe some things require effort; they can’t just be fixed with time.
Cogitation
I think much of the cognitive bias involved in the End of History Illusion comes from our uncertainty about our future. We know about our past. We know what we have done. However, we don’t know what we will do in the future. Perhaps it’s the uncertainty in which direction our life will change that results in us taking an average of sorts and assuming we won’t change much at all. Or maybe we underestimate how much we will change simply because we aren’t aware of what changes will occur, and we reduce it to generalities such as “getting wiser” and “maturing”.
This brings me to my blog. Since this is my 52nd weekly post, I have been writing these for a year. I originally started this blog to improve my writing. While it may have improved a little (the only measure I used is how much I cringe at my old posts), I find that my writing style has changed over the year and it has solidified into more of an identity. But the main difference I’ve noticed is how much I’ve learned due to this blog. I have learned things I never would have if I didn’t write about them. The default mode network is fascinating, as are Bergson’s ideas on the subjectivity of time. But I’ve also spent my time producing something for other people to read. I’ve received a handful of messages thanking me, and that makes me grateful.
I want to focus more on quality now rather than quantity. Posts will still be published, just less frequently and with more care and consideration.
Life Update!
I wrote this section at the end of March, when I was supposed to write this post. However, I procrastinated until the beginning of May.
“So I promised myself that over spring break, I would fix my sleep schedule. That didn’t happen. I did go skiing, however, and I enjoyed it. This season has been unbelievably bad; it’s snowed so little this winter compared to the past few winters. I also wrote my Science Bowl biography for nationals. I’m proud of this thing.
“As for college decisions, I got rejected from Caltech and MIT, and waitlisted from CMU (I don’t know if I already mentioned this). But I did get a full tuition scholarship to Mines! I don’t know what to do; it’s really tempting, but my parents are telling me to take the offer and commit to Mines. I’m trying to convince myself that’s the correct decision. But who knows? I can’t predict the future, but maybe I don’t need to.”
So here’s another life update.
Science Bowl Nationals was certainly an experience. The competition was only a small part of the trip; I found that meeting teams from across the country was extremely enjoyable (hello, Los Alamos High School, Doral Academy, New Mexico Military Institute, Bellevue, Ladue, Oklahoma School of Science and Math, Fayetteville, Crescent Valley, and anyone else I met)! We went 3-4 in the round robin though, so we barely didn’t make it to the double elimination bracket. However, that places us securely in the top 40 nationwide if my math is correct (there were 8 brackets, so I can optimistically assume so).
Besides Science Bowl, I’ve been doing great. I’ve committed to Mines, I’m studying for a few AP exams, and I’m looking forward to graduation and summer break afterwards.
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