Perfectionism
This will be quite a long read, as I have a lot to say on this topic due to personal experiences.
This topic has troubled me for many years. Even then, I still cannot tell whether or not my perfectionism has helped or hindered me throughout my years of education. I can certainly say that my perfectionism isn't too extreme, however, but I have experienced many instances where it has posed a problem, often at the expense of my mental health. I'll attempt to explain my thoughts on the matter.
Perfectionism is defined as the propensity of some people, often labeled "perfectionists," to aim for perfection, or flawlessness in many things that they do. If you were to give this definition to a child who doesn't know any better, chances are, they would assume that it's a good trait. After all, who doesn't want to aim high?
The problem is that perfectionism isn't the same as aiming high or having high expectations of yourself. It's a double-edged sword, of which those who are ignorant only see one edge. As American author Anne Wilson Schaef puts it, "Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order." While this quote may be a bit extreme, it highlights the struggles that perfectionists face that may be invisible to others.
Tendency
As with almost everything, perfectionism varies between people. However, there are similarities and overlaps. One big trait of perfectionists is procrastination. The reasoning is as follows: "If we do it now, then it has to be perfect. Therefore, it's pretty much an insurmountable task and we can do it later." Thus, perfectionism has caused me to put things off extremely often, and in my opinion, that's one of the most troubling aspects of perfectionism.
I don't get it sometimes. Why do we do such irrational things? Why do we do them time and time again? How are we able to convince ourselves that what we're doing is right, or justified? Maybe the answer comes down to cognitive biases. The effects of such biases is surprisingly large in my opinion, and I'm not sure there's much we can do about them, other than being aware of their existence.
Oftentimes, perfectionism correlates with procrastination, but what's the underlying cause? Perhaps it's the fact that we seek comfort in distraction, or that we cower in fear due to a task that we blow out of proportion in our minds. Regardless, the sooner we recognize that it's a problem, the sooner we can change and improve. Even if it doesn't pose any issues now, there may come a point later in life where the work becomes too much to handle using ineffective tools.
Another thing I've noticed, at least in myself, is a desire not to please myself, but to please others. Internal validation is healthy, but I've noticed that I grew up in a strict household, and that has caused me to do things not for myself, but for other people, specifically, my parents. I'd try my hardest to make them happy or do as they wanted from me, but other than seeing the joy on their faces, pleasing them left me with nothing. It just made it worse when I couldn't please them.
I remember one vivid memory from when I was around six years old. My mother sat me down to teach me Chinese. She wrote on the paper "口" (kǒu), which means "mouth." She told me to write it as well, so I did. I wrote the box-shaped character on the paper. But when I looked up at her, expecting some sort of approval, I was only met with disappointment. At the time, I didn't even know what I did wrong. Only later would I discover that I didn't follow the correct stroke order, and I wrote the entire character in one stroke. Ouch.
But it wasn't the stroke order that hurt. I was just a six-year old; how was I supposed to know that every character has a specific stroke order? It was the look on my mom's face, the look of disappointment and weariness, that resonated with me.
She never tried to teach me Chinese again.
Stepping away from the somber tone, however, I think it's best to avoid extrapolating, but I can confidently say that many perfectionists tend to seek external validation, rather than looking inward.
Takeaway
Honestly, I think the solution to perfectionism is none other than a shift in mindset, which can be extremely difficult. It's about telling ourself that "I don't need to be perfect." It's about embracing imperfections, because they're natural and they're bound to happen. We need to be less critical of ourselves, and we need to try to observe our situation through a more objective lens: "Is it really worth putting in 200% more effort to reap 10% more reward? Is it really worth sacrificing your own happiness just to give someone else a fleeting moment of joy?"
It's not easy. Seeing your mistakes as a perfectionist is painful. Don't bury them, but accept them. Then, the walls blocking you from greater achievement will fall.
If this post helped you or gave you a bit of insight, then feel free to leave a comment or share this post with other people. I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you, and have a great day.
Life Update!
In all honesty, putting this section at the end of a post seems a bit unnatural to me, but I'd like to include it because I can look back on these posts, and I can share snippets of my life that not many people see. But regardless, life has been going great: I'm building better habits, exercising more, doomscrolling less, and I've been more active, going outside to take 30-40 minute walks often. I took the SAT recently, and it was surprisingly easy for me; I'm hoping for a 1600 obviously, but I expect I'll most likely get around a 1540-1600. Besides that, personal conflicts have took a bit of a toll on my mental health but I'm learning to deal with them a lot more effectively.
what did you get on the SAT (. _ .)
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