Going for a Walk
I admittedly spend too much time indoors so on Saturday, I considered going for a walk around the neighborhood. Usually, when I go on a walk, it lasts around fifteen minutes. I’d put an AirPod in either one of my ears (decided randomly) and play whatever music I felt like listening to at the moment. Whether it’s IZ*ONE or YOASOBI, or even 21 Savage at times, I always try to find something to distract myself and sing along to. But yesterday, I just wanted to go outside for an hour without any distractions just to see what would happen. Just a watch and a flashlight to keep me company. And a lot happened.
When I stepped foot outside, the sun had already set but the sky was still bright. The nearly full moon shone more brightly than I remembered, with a single star sitting beside it. I decided to just walk and see where my legs took me. Almost immediately, my mind was filled with songs—first, Drawer by 10cm, then, Violeta by IZ*ONE, then, Save Your Tears by The Weeknd, and finally, Boy With Luv by BTS. Those were the only four songs stuck in my head throughout the hour, and I hummed along and sang the lines that I knew. I sang carelessly, sometimes humming to myself, and sometimes singing loudly enough for neighbors to hear me strain to hit high notes.
My steps took me to a small nearby park where I saw two children running laps around a grassy field. I took this as an opportunity to act a bit more freely, a bit more carelessly than usual. I scampered over to read a sign about an important part of the city’s ecosystem (I forgot what it was about). I bent over and looked at some pebbles that caught my eye. I found myself jumping over streams, arms outstretched like a stereotypical child in a cartoon. I loved acting like a child with no worries, and it felt liberating. I eventually got jumpscared by a sudden rustle amidst the tall grass, which ended my fun, however.
I saw two benches next to a community mailbox (apparently the USPS calls them “Cluster Box Units”), and I decided to sit down. It was a spontaneous decision, an impulsive thought. I just sat down to pause and think as the sky grew darker around me. I saw three people pick up their mail. I listened to the wind rustling the trees. I listened to birds chirping and dogs barking. I listened to a leaf blower turn on and eventually blend in to background noise. I listened to the occasional garage door that opened or the occasional car that drove by. I heard someone open their trunk, and that beeping noise just sounded so obnoxious in the moment. I had heard those kinds of noises so many times before.
For the most part, the loudest things were my thoughts. When I was sitting down and when I was walking, my mind was just riddled with repetitive, meaningless thoughts. These were thoughts that were almost constantly filling and distracting my mind while providing no substance (think AI and politicians—they speak so many words yet say nothing at all). I think this is a consequence of my declining attention span and overconsumption. I hadn’t sat with my thoughts in so long that I couldn’t think clearly; everything seemed foggy. Whenever I tried to think of something substantive, something meaningful, my mind wouldn’t cooperate. When I was sitting there, on that bench, I thought about my future and about what I want in life. Funnily enough, money or an MIT acceptance letter weren’t the first things I thought of. I still am not completely sure of what I or my future self will want, but I’ve made more sense of it, and I’ve been figuring some things out. It’s not an easy question to answer. I didn’t think of anything profoundly philosophical on that bench, but that’s fine.
I did realize, however, that I had the urge, several times, to get up and start walking again. I had this nagging feeling telling me I had to be somewhere, that I had to be doing something. But multiple times, I realized and reminded myself that I didn’t have to be anywhere. I didn’t have any responsibilities at the time. I could just sit down and wallow in my thoughts for a bit longer. I didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything, and I didn’t have to live life in the fast lane. The feeling that I didn’t need to be in a rush to get off that bench was so freeing. No nagging thoughts, just time that I could spend however I wanted without guilt. (Is this how non-procrastinators feel?) The same applied to when I was walking—I didn’t need to be anywhere. I could turn wherever I wanted and see where my feet take me, and compared to daily life, it felt slightly less burdensome.
I eventually got off the bench after half an hour and resumed my leisurely stroll. My flashlight ran out of battery. It was getting dark.
Yes, it’s cliche, but I took the time to “stop and smell the roses” and “appreciate the little things”. As the sky slowly got darker, I noticed the difference in color of the world around me. The moon was so bright; it cast a well-defined shadow. However, it barely illuminated my surroundings and many colors were washed out and muted. I couldn’t tell you that the trees were green and the grass was beige if I wasn’t making inferences. Yes, I know it’s because rod cells don’t detect color and cone cells barely work in the dark, but I never actually took the time to appreciate the world in near-grayscale and extremely low saturation.
The sky was clear almost the entire time; only occasionally would thin wisps of clouds would appear and stretch across the sky. It was a really pleasant evening, other than the fact that it kept getting colder. I looked up—the sky was much darker now than when I started—and I saw those three stars that made Orion’s Belt. I tried looking for other constellations, but almost tripped on an uneven part of the sidewalk. I looked at the reflection of the moon on the thin, glossy sheet of ice covering the pond. The near-circle in the sky appeared elongated on the surface of the pond. I listened to the wooden creaks as I crossed a footbridge. Eventually, I returned home.
I realized that maybe I spend too much time indoors, and the short walks I go on while listening to music don’t give me the opportunity to appreciate the world around me. Rather, I’m encased in a bubble that’s physically in the world but mentally separate. I realized that ever since I’ve deleted Instagram, I’ve been binging YouTube a bit too much. I think that if I spend enough time in solitude without distractions like my phone, my mind will be less cluttered and noisy. If you’re able to go on a walk (safely), then please do! The physical health benefits are amazing, and the mental health benefits—mental clarity, a moment of respite and reflection, appreciation for the world around us, and an opportunity to disconnect from our ever so fast-paced world. Yes, it’s hard to even be away from your phone these days. But it’s well worth it.
Life Update!
This is a bit different from what I normally write (I seem to be saying that more often these days), but I thought it would be fun to share! And maybe it reveals that even though I should touch grass often, without music playing in one ear.
I’m surprised I haven’t experienced symptoms of senioritis yet. I’m still trying to keep up my grades, my attendance, and my extracurricular activities (though those have become a bit less important).
I think I’ve found things that I do because I enjoy them, rather than solely for college applications. I’m sure that helps with combatting senioritis. But the problem is, I’m still not putting enough time into the things I actually want to do. I want to study more and become more fluent in as many languages as possible. I want to read more. I want to cook more. I want to try using GitHub and Node.js, but I’ve been procrastinating and putting it off.
I just wish there was more time to do all these things. I’m going to study for my econ test now.
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