“I Have to Be Extraordinary”
Most of us want to spend our lives meaningfully, working towards personal or career goals, earning a living, spending time with loved ones, and doing what we enjoy in the process. Most of us also have optimistic dreams, things you want to achieve that would set you apart and make you extraordinary. It’s a natural tendency to strive for something worthwhile, as it’s a way to comfort yourself and make good use of your limited time. We tell ourselves that if we don’t do anything significant, then we miss out on what we could’ve become. But when you become too focused on the goal, when you ignore everything else and focus on the end result, the endeavors start to lose meaning. Why am I doing this? What do I achieve from doing this? And what am I sacrificing to obtain this?
Purpose
I’m not saying it’s a bad idea to be ambitious, quite the opposite actually. The pure motivation and ambition that comes with this (self-inflicted) pressure often does lead to greater accomplishments, and it does lead to extraordinary results. Growth is often limited by the container size, so expanding the container often results in more growth. Whether or not this pressure of accomplishing something comes from a positive or negative source, it leads to positive results regardless.
Sacrifice
I’ve found this mindset can have some detriments. During the spring semester of my junior year, I found myself thinking, “I have to do something with my summer.” So I decided to apply to summer programs. A significant chunk of my free time during this short period was spent on writing and editing essays, as well as struggling with problem sets. I was extremely focused on getting into these programs I was applying to, because I told myself I can’t do anything normal this summer.
As a result of this, I neglected my health during this period of time. I took care of myself less, and I told myself I didn’t have time to do things I’d usually do (although a lot of time was spent procrastinating). The stress I felt during this time, balancing my classes, my extracurriculars, and these applications I was filling out, was incredible. My sleep schedule suffered. I vividly remember finishing my PROMYS application the day it was due. It was 11:50pm, and when I clicked the “submit” button, it didn’t work. I looked at my laptop in horror as I realized it was not due at 11:59pm, but it was due earlier in the day. I remember breaking out into a cold sweat as I frantically emailed them, asking them to open the application portal for a few minutes to let me submit my application. Needless to say, I didn’t get accepted.
But despite the cost of being extraordinary, the narrow-mindedness and the stress that comes with the struggle, it’s a struggle well worth trudging through. As long as it’s something you truly want rather than something to impress people, as long as you’re doing it for yourself and not for others, then that’s enough to drive you forward.
Life Update!
I promised myself, last Sunday, that I’d write my MIT essays this week. I only wrote one of them. Procrastination is not the key to success, despite what people may tell you. In my case, my mind is aware that I need to get started on these essays because MIT isn’t the only thing I’m applying to, but it feels like I’m unable to take action. It feels like, despite my mind screaming at me, the days go by and nothing gets done. It feels like my time is just disappearing. While I have made more time for my health (thankfully), I still can’t find time to do all the things I want to do. I still don’t know all the uses of the te-form of Japanese verbs and adjectives. I still don’t know which pronunciation of 의 to use when it shows up in a sentence. But that’s fine; I just tell myself there is a light at the tunnel no matter how dim it is. Let’s just see what happens.
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