External Validation
If no one else was alive, would you continue to do the things you do?
So many things we do are for the sake of others, whether it’s to please them or to seek their validation. We often spend time living for other people, trying to meet or exceed their expectations to feel a sense of achievement. We chase wealth, status, and prestige to show off to others, instead of doing things because we truly want to. And what’s the point of all this? Why derive your pride and satisfaction from things other than yourself?
Expectations
I’m sure a common experience of many students is the pressure to please their parents and do what they ask. For as long as I can remember, I’ve tried to live up to every single one of my parents’ expectations. The only specific expectation I remember was getting straight A’s throughout school, and looking back, it’s caused plenty of resentment that still, years later, hasn’t fully subsided. I recall in eighth grade orchestra class, I had one assignment that I turned in a week late, but within that week, my parents noticed the assignment was missing, and I received my first (and only, as of now) beating. I remember the physical pain lasted a few days, but the emotional weight lasted much longer.
That moment taught me something important: when your happiness depends on others’ expectations, you’re trapped in a cycle where their approval dictates your worth. And what I realized is that pleasing people is a win-lose scenario, similar to distributive negotiation: the pie is fixed, and when one party gains a sector, the other party loses that sector. Whenever I was able to live up to my parent’s expectations, they’d feel happy, they’d praise me, and I’d feel okay. But when I wasn’t able to, then I’d feel so much worse, not because I cared about failing, but because I cared about letting them down.
Other
On a more objective and general lens, rather than an anecdotal one, relying on external factors for happiness is unreliable. If you get rejected from your dream college, your dream job, or your crush, then yes, it hurts, but it’s out of your control. Feeling overly despondent or basing your self-worth on these outcomes is unproductive. Rather, look within for motivation, not only to feel better about your accomplishments, but to actually make following through on goals easier. And then, maybe, your life will be more meaningful and more fulfilling.
So once again, I ask: If no one else was alive, would you still be proud of how you live today? Or would some habits change?
Life Update!
Once again, my sleep schedule has gone down the drain. However, on the bright side, some of the more fun aspects of school are starting to pick up again. Science bowl has had a crazy increase in membership, and my main goal is to win at regionals this year. Although barely anything I do this year can be put on my college applications because of the deadlines, I think that’s no reason to stop. I also decided to write a piano arrangement, and it's going much better than I thought! No, I don't play the piano; no, I'm not taking AP Music Theory. But I decided to try something new, and it's pretty fun so far! I've written about 85 measures, and I have a few more to go.
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