Expressing Emotions
Sometimes our emotion-ridden lives can be quite chaotic. As opposed to our values and our rational minds, our emotions can change within mere minutes, and they are very easily affected by external circumstances, quite often beyond our control. We quickly learn that freely expressing our emotions is often frowned upon, but we learn, often more slowly, that hiding our emotions unconditionally isn’t the healthiest either. So, akin to most things in life, the healthiest isn’t either one of the extremes, but a balance between the two.
But our emotions and our feelings are what makes us human. So why do we shove them down? Why do we bury them?
Vulnerability
It feels like it can be hard to share your emotions with someone else. Sometimes, when I try to show emotional vulnerability, I feel this resistance tighten my throat and seal my lips shut. I worry not only about appearing weak and pathetic in front of people I know, or being faced with stinging indifference or silence, but I also worry about losing something, whether it’s a friendship that’ll permanently change or a close friend who’ll see me in a completely different light. I’m certain many others feel the same resistance, the perception of display of emotions as a sign of weakness, and the pressure or the necessity to hide.
And this seems extremely counterproductive when our emotions are what makes us human; they distinguish us from machines, large language models, and even other sentient creatures. Does this explain the “draining” feeling people get after hours of monotonous, emotionless work every day? Does this explain why people feel “dead inside” when they feel apathy or emotional numbness?
Confession
The truth is, I don’t know. Yes, expressing emotions is human nature. Yes, expressing emotions in modern society is frowned upon. We conceal emotions to appear more mature, and it’s effective, even necessary in most day-to-day scenarios. No one would appreciate someone angrily ranting about their life unprovoked. But in the times when we want to express them the most, we are most likely to restrain ourselves and push it deeper down. In these scenarios, taking a risk has the greatest expected outcome. Sharing your emotions with someone you trust can help alleviate the stress, while bottling it on does the exact opposite.
And maybe, growth requires a bit of vulnerability and a bit of “weakness”. Maybe, we should learn to embrace this human aspect of our lives.
Life Update!
My sleep schedule has been so messed up these two weeks. I’m up at 1:28 am writing this right now. It feels like I’m missing out on so much due to struggling to stay awake during morning workshops or evening Prime Time Theorems. It’s definitely something I need to work on. Other than that, I have been trying to worry a bit less about college, but I can’t deny the fact that it’s looming ever closer.
James
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