What Is It You Want?
Are our desires truly ours?
Sometimes what I tell myself doesn’t reflect what I actually think.
With constant external stimulation telling you what you want, we slowly begin to lose our inner selves as the world we experience drowns our own thoughts out. This is even more prevalent today when boredom and introspection seem so rare while stimulation is so accessible. Rather than living a fulfilling life or a life true to ourselves, we tend to spend so much time chasing meaningless things we never cared about. However, I think it’s worthwhile to start questioning these things and try to figure out what part of us is truly ours.
Perspectives
The Daoist concept of 樸/朴 (pǔ, literally meaning plain, unpolished, or sincere) refers to an uncarved block. In early Daoist philosophy, this block serves as a metaphor for human nature. At birth, we are uncarved, and as we age and experience the world around us, our identity slowly begins to take shape. An uncarved block contains every sculpture, and bit by bit, the block is chiseled into a definitive shape. At birth, we are unladen from the restrictions of ego, identity, and societal pressure. Laozi advocates for a return to this natural state to find freedom, peace and harmony with the Dao.
Take a look at Chapter 28 of the Daodejing (written by Laozi; below is John C. H. Wu’s translation):
“When Primal Simplicity diversifies,
It becomes useful vessels,
Which, in the hands of the Sage, become officers.
Hence, ‘a great tailor does little cutting.’”
Like a block can be carved into an arrowhead or an axe head, people are shaped into something of greater use. However, there is a great difference between letting society shape you into a rigid mold and becoming your authentic self and fulfilling your true potential and purpose. Laozi explains that the sage understands this: leading not with force but letting people thrive naturally is ideal; a great tailor does little cutting because letting the “natural state” of the cloth shine through is ideal to forcing it into a different shape.
Alternatively, we can turn to a certain philosopher who emerged during the Enlightenment in eighteenth-century Europe: Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Rousseau not only studied and developed ideas in political and economic theory, but also in human nature. Like Laozi, he viewed society as something that drifted us away from our true nature.
In his book, “Discourse on the Origin and Basis of Inequality Among Men” (which I will refer to from now on as “Discourse on Inequality”), Rousseau compares two types of self-love, which he calls amour de soi and amour propre. He explains that amour de soi is driven by our primal, natural selves, by a desire to stay alive and maintain our health, while amour propre is a result of humans forming societies. Amour propre is more vain; it’s a desire to seek validation and garner attention from other people. It causes us to compare ourselves to others and to value ourselves accordingly. Amour propre is not necessary for survival, and while he argues that it’s not inherently malignant or unhealthy (similarly to how an ego or a desire for attention aren’t unhealthy either), it pushes us to neglect our own desires and drives people into competition, constantly chasing these conceited wishes.1
A study co-written by Philip Rodkin, a professor at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign shows that children can start to develop an awareness of popularity and social status in the third and fourth grade. Children in the modern world are exposed to so much advertisement and content; the CDC states, on an archived page, that children 8-18 spend an average of 7.5 hours on their screens every day.2 The American Psychological Association stated in 2024 that teens spend 4.8 hours on social media per day.3 Social media creates an amazing mise-en-scéne to implant insecurities and externally motivated desires in people. We see that after enough exposure to a society and the interpersonal interactions along with the advertisements and pressures that come with it, students develop a sense of amour propre, and suddenly, a host of problems that didn’t exist before come with it.
Perhaps the most direct answer to the question at the beginning of this post comes from René Girard, who created what’s known as mimetic theory. A large component of mimetic theory is mimetic desire, which is our tendency to copy the desires of other people. Our desires are not our own; they are acquired by what other people place value on. This is the reason that celebrity or influencer marketing works—this is the reason why trendy items like Labubus and NeeDohs gain so much popularity to the point where increased demand causes their price to spike a ridiculous amount. Mimetic desire also causes competition—we see each other as competitors since we have the same limited wants. Tying this back to the Daoist concept of Pu, it’s only sensible that growing up in similar environments will result in people being shaped similarly. Without proper attention, we may slowly end up becoming too similar to the masses, causing our sense of identity to wane.
Cognition
As people grow up and enter adulthood, they learn to fit in with society, but they tend to lose their connection with nature. This is the theme that William Wordsworth presents in his poem, “Ode on Intimations on Immortality.” On lines 5-6, he woefully says, “The glory and the freshness of a dream. / It is not now as it hath been of yore;” symbolizing the sentiment that there's this dreamlike nature of childhood that seeps away as we age.
Keeping ourselves intact and our wants untainted is going to lead to a more fulfilling life. While much of this is natural, it’s worthwhile to spend some time figuring out which of our wants are mimetic and where they come from. This is not a problem that we must get rid of, but rather one we must understand. The most common examples of mimetic desire aren’t as capricious or inane as trends on social media. Your dream career may only be a dream because other people describe it so. You may seek certain credentials or accomplishments such as graduating from a top university or earning a certain title just because you were told it would bring happiness and make you successful. You may only want to visit Tokyo because you see the pictures your friends posted. Regardless of the reason, it helps to slow down a bit and think, writing things down if you need to.
That goes for many things in life. Enjoy the beautiful, odorless roses.
Life Update!
It’s been over three months since I’ve posted; isn’t that crazy? I graduated high school, traveled to Tokyo and Yokohama and a few other cities in the Kanto area with my family, attended a cultural exchange program in Chongqing, reunited with both sides of my family in China, and traveled to Jilin and Seoul.
It’s certainly an amazing experience—the food was amazing, the pictures were a mix of beautiful and awkward, and playing Guandan with my aunt and grandpa is extremely fun. I’m learning again and again that meeting people is one of the most important aspects of life, and that novel experiences cause time to slow down. Meeting up with a friend in Seoul felt surreal but it was incredible as well.
Packing for college and taking care of all the logistics was slightly stressful, but orientation week was amazing. Meeting my roommate, the people on my floor, the people in the groups I was assigned to, or even people I randomly decided to talk to was exhausting, and I’ve forgotten many names and their corresponding majors. I’ve been asked about my major and where I’m from countless times. Yet this heavy amount of socializing seems very fun, and hopefully it’ll make the rest of my college life a lot more entertaining, knowing a lot of people.
But classes start tomorrow, on August 24. I’ve got 8 am linear algebra on Tuesday. We’ll see what happens.
1. Dent, N. J. H., and T. O’Hagan. “Rousseau on Amour-Propre.” Proceedings of the Aristotelian Society, Supplementary Volumes, vol. 72, 1998, pp. 57–75. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/4107013. Accessed 7 Aug. 2026.
2. https://archive.cdc.gov/www_cdc_gov/nccdphp/dnpao/multimedia/infographics/getmoving.html
3. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/teen-social-use-mental-health
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